Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
