so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i've created a new STD.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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