Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
