so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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