I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
