I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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