David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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