Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
