She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
