brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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