Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
