Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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