I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
