Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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