help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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