weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
