butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
