I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Two words: nipple clamps
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