How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
