My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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