Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As shirtless as possible
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
