i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
