it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the condom got lost in my hair
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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