i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
