so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize