Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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