I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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