i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
