My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You took a bar mat shot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
