It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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