I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
