we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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