my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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