i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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