apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
