What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
