a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
