and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We need a shit load of segways right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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