My liver just broke up with me...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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