Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
