i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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