i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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