The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
