i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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