I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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