Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
