seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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