walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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