i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
