Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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