M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
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I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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