It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
