Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
