if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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