Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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