It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
