evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bring money and cleavage
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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