Where did you get a picture of my penis
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
