I am puke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
