I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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